break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
