They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
