OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
