the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
