By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
