my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Text me some of your sweat
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
