Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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