We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
