apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
