do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
