Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
