How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
