i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
