I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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