i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
