The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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