You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
