I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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