WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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