my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
