He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
