I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
