Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
