yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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