This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
