I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
