i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
