I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
