shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
