I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
