dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
