my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
