Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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