Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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