Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
