If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
