You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
