I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
