You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
