textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
