im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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