i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
