TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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