Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
