how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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