I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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