she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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