I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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