..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
