just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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