No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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