Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize