i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
