you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
