I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
