bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
