At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
