I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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