dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
