the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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