oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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