From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
