You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
