she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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