No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
