..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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