one might say we're banned from that church
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
