We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
