she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
