I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the raccoons are back...
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