Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
