So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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