My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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