there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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