What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
