U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
