Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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