TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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